I disengage a portion of me and let her move towards the skies. I then lie there and watch her float. A journey much-awaited and there she smiles, I feel content.
I should have told, told her that she could fly as far as she wishes to go. She could even choose to stay and never return. Oh, dear portion, needn’t mark your way, needn’t leave tracks, needn’t feel obliged to come back to me. I shall live with a missing me. You may fly high and Fadeaway…
I watch her grow smaller. She is losing her shape and size to the smallest of dots and then the contours disappear as she mingles into the background. Applaud, rejoice, this is a ceremony, the moment just passed by. From now on, a portion of me shall be named ‘sky’’.
Hello madam sky, this is me, just another you. Go touch the ends of the beginning of time, see what happened at the very first minute. See what existed before that minute. I shall see it all through you. My indulgence in thoughts, makes me smile.
I am looking for a star, show me one. Show me, anyone, from any constellation but do show me one. Holding my breath, I wait for it, the sky is empty. I wait, my breath held. But for a star, I shall die… Moments click by, my eyes moving across the wide dark frame, show me one, just one… My lungs deprived but its an empty sky… I can’t believe… this can’t be true… My muscles tighten, all my organs pause for that one single glimpse.. and yes.. there it is.. the smallest I have ever seen. The sky grants me life. A deep chilling breath into every living cell… I am saved…
I raise one arm and make a slit through my fingers. The smallest of stars is inside my finger slit. I close the slit and light is gone… darkness is on… I open the slit and the tiny ray touches my eyes..open and shut, on and gone…I twist my fingers and the tiny light dances with the rhythm. Like a couple, they move in style.
Slowly I see the fingers changing shape… My fingers have taken the shape of a Deer. A slender red Deer, sprinting with joy in the starlit sky. What a magnificent sight. I lie calmly watching the Deer; lively, vibrant and full with grace But the joy and the fun couldn’t last for long. My other hand has raised to the scene as if a beast from the graves of the dead. Its a Leopard; a wild cat walking with pride. His gaze hitting the pray with no obstruction.
Run my Dear, a Leopard is here. Runaway into the secrets of space. Run to life… Make your own space, run as fast as you can. A helpless me and a helpless sky, destined to watch a disaster tonight. The Deer is bleeding but not yet dead. It is trying hard to escape death and trying harder to die as soon as it could. Slowly a wild silence creeps in.. Rest in the skies with eternal peace. Memories of the Deer shall remain with us. A moment of silence…!
I stare at the place where the Deer was there and I see my lifeless fingers lying still. Then slowly something move. The spirit of the Deer is transforming into another form of life. What is it? I am eager to see… The moving fingers are nothing but wings taking shape. Tears of joy, it’s a beautiful butterfly.
One of my hand is now a butterfly, What would be the word to describe my delight? There to here and here to there, it’s flying like a curious newborn boy.
Like a mother, I enjoy the play. With every passing moment it is gaining pace; a growing child of mine. Changes are part of life I see. Change itself is life, I agree. The Deer hasn’t died, no one ever dies. The energy entered a metamorphic state to transform itself into a beautiful butterfly. The grace and the vibrancy have come to life.
The other hand of mine; the Leopard-hand, I shall call. Has now finished the meal and looks satisfied. Why are you here? What role do you have to play in the life of a butter-like fly? The Leopard stares as if I have spoken forbidden words. What is it? What have I done? I don’t understand. The Leopard doesn’t speak but continues to stare, a frightening stare.
The Leopard like fingers are now gaining wings. A Leopard with wings? no that can’t be fair. This is not written in the scripts of nature. I can deny this scene. But wait, the wild cat is transforming too. I wide-open my eyes to see things well. It has transformed into a Bird. Not any ordinary bird, its a mother bird getting ready to hunt for her newborns.
My brain thinking fast.. Where does the truth lie? Hurry.. tell me why are things blurred. The bird and the butterfly are now in the frame. Flying high and flying low. Think my brain, decide now.. my brain divided into two equal parts. One is right and the other is true. What shall I say.. what shall I do…Between my words, the butterfly gets a clear escape.. sigh! So that’s how it is.. the unpredictable form of life… What shall be my emotion? I am confused.
The story of the butterfly has left a gap. I feel low, I shall not proceed. When both are true, who shall win? Maybe I am too ordinary to understand the phenomenon nature, I take a bow.
But I see that my hands are now waiting for signals. They want to know who they depict next. Unnatural nature of all beings, why would I alone be spared. The mood is on, let’s move on.
Memories from past are attached to me like colourless threads. One hand of mine is now closed like a Bud. I wait to see the flower Bud bloom. I nurture it with such love but it doesn’t bloom. What is your pain? I asked the Bud. What is the melancholic song you haven’t sung? Open your eyes, see the new world. Smile my bud, I shall save you from all that’s sad.
Then she blossoms and a glimpse at me. I now understand that time does heal. Fingers of my other hand have also taken shape. It’s a Bee. A sweet Honeybee. The Bee gets its mighty share of honey and takes the oath to spread the pollen grains. No bleeding tracks and no scary cries. No debts to pay in heaven and earth. All things stay tranquil and pleased. No one died and none sacrificed and yet all satisfied.
I am confused? Let me take a pause.. but they don’t let me stop… cheers everywhere; more, more.. go on, go on…
A right-hand python and a left-hand python. No doubt, its time for war. All eyes are now on to the stage. Maddening cries of cheers everywhere. The pythons swinging from right to left and left to right. Any moment now, my brain is preparing for the move. Okay, let’s begin. Their eyes meet, they savour the taste of air. Ready…Set… Go..but nothing happens… Come on Go… I command… Go..but they aren’t moving, they aren’t fighting.. moments of elation pass by.. Slowly the energy drains off. I see my audience have lost hope. I see them mutter and leave. I said, Fight.. fight..no one bothers.
Whats it brain? What is that you have been thinking? Why didn’t you fight? What Damn thing is it? The brain doesn’t answer. Why should it answer? The thoughts are already mine, it was always mine, they are me myself. Indulgence in thoughts, make me smile.
The one last star within my finger slits. Open and shut, dim and bright. I gaze for long and it seems as if she is ascending towards me. Is that a star or a firefly flying high? One tiny light into my falling eyes. A portion of me has mingled with the sky, I shall be the sky, I shall be.